Tava lembrando de FULL METAL JACKET, meu filme predileto de guerra, e da sua abertura, com o Sargento humilhando os soldados recém-chegados. Então reunirei aqui todos os insultos (ficaria legal se os brasileiros também usassem essas expressões).
HARTMAN
Do you maggots understand that?
HARTMAN
Bullshit! I can’t hear you. Sound off like you
got a pair.
HARTMAN
If you ladies leave my island, if you survive
recruit training … you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day you are pukes! You’re the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings! You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit!
I am hard, but I am fair!
There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?
Sergeant HARTMAN stops in front of a
black recruit,Private SNOWBALL.
HARTMAN
What’s your
name, scumbag?
SNOWBALL
(shouting)
Sir,Private Brown, sir!
HARTMAN
Bullshit! From now on
you’re PrivateSnowball! Do you like that name?
HARTMAN
Well, there’s one thing that you won’t like,Private Snowball! Theydon’t serve friedchicken and watermelon on a daily basis inmymess hall!
JOKER
(whispering)Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
HARTMAN
Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who’sthe slimylittle communist shit twinkle-toedcocksucker down here, who justsigned hisown death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing! I will P.T. you all until you fucking die! I’ll P.T. you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
HARTMAN
Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?!
HARTMAN
You little piece of
shit! You look like a fuckingworm! I’ll bet it was you!
JOKER
Sir, I said it, sir!
Sergeant HARTMAN steps up to JOKER.
HARTMAN
Well …
no shit. What have we got here, afucking comedian? Private Joker? Iadmireyour honesty. Hell, I like you. You can comeover to myhouse and fuck my sister.
HARTMAN
You little
scumbag! I’ve got your name! I’vegot your ass! You will not laugh!You will notcry! You will learn by the numbers. I willteachyou. Now get up! Get on your feet! Youhad best unfuck yourself or Iwill unscrewyour head and shit down your neck!
HARTMAN
How tall are you, Private?
COWBOY
Sir,
five foot nine, sir!
HARTMAN
Five foot nine? I didn’t
know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in o nme somewhere, huh?
HARTMAN
Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of
you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated!
HARTMAN
Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
COWBOY
Sir, Texas, sir!
HARTMAN
Holy dogshit! Texas! Only
steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!Do you suck dicks?!
HARTMAN
Are you a peter-puffer?
HARTMAN
I’ll bet you’re the kind of guy that would
fucka person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I’ll be watching you!
Sergeant HARTMAN walks down the line to another
recruit, a tall,overtweight boy.
HARTMAN
Did your parents have any
children that lived?
HARTMAN
I’ll bet they regret that! You’re so ugly you
could bea modern art masterpiece! What’s your name, fatbody?
PYLE
Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!
HARTMAN
Lawrence?
Lawrence, what, of Arabia?
HARTMAN
That name sounds like royalty! Are you
royalty?
PYLE
Sir, no, sir!
HARTMAN
Do you suck dicks?
HARTMAN
Bullshit! I’ll bet you
could suck a golf ballthrough a garden hose!
HARTMAN
I don’t like the name Lawrence!
Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence! From now on you’re Gomer Pyle!
HARTMAN
Private Pyle, I’m gonna
give you three seconds–excactly three fucking seconds–to wipethat stupid-looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! One! Two! Three!
HARTMAN
Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cuff links … or I will definitely fuck you up!